what are your boundaries?

3 Feb

since yesterday afternoon i haven’t left my apartment and there are several reasons for that:

– i have worked so much this week, dayshift, nightshift and even yesterday on a saturday (!) that i feel like napping and reading and hanging out on the sofa, chilling in the candle light for hours and days.

– after a short almost springlike intermezzo here in berlin on tuesday and wednesday (10°C, singing birds and even a bit of sun), the skies have decided to go back to grey and the weather is more like “pass me the fur” than “let’s put on our new sun glasses” (yes, i have gorgeous new polarized sunglasses. they’re so hot! but that’s another story.)

– i’m lazy. i love to be lazy.

– i have to finish the lecture of a book of 500 pages of which i will be doing the recording for the audio book in a week. soo excited!

so here i am all cocooned up on my roof watching the thick marshmallow clouds fly by.

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so while i’m all chilled up here, i have a word on my mind since yesterday that i am somewhat meditating about.

as you know, english is not my mother tongue. i only chose to write in english because i like the language and because i think, i can reach more people with it than in german. especially all my friends from england and the US.

when i was 16 i spent some months in canada and after a while i started to dream and think english (when i was at my parents at christmas i rediscovered the journal i wrote when i was in canada. i read in it and i found the page where i’ve been writing about dreaming in english for the first time. that was quite a milestone for me).

sometimes english words pop up in my mind. and then they won’t leave for an hour or two or for a day.

BOUNDARIES. i was standing in my kitchen and cutting carrots for a soup. and there it was. boundaries. first of all it is a very beautiful word, i think. it has a tuneful sound to it. if i was a black soul singer i would definitely use it in every second song i wrote. that’s for sure.

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but other than that i started wondering: what are my boundaries? i am sitting/lying/lounging here in my warm and cozy apartment. everything is going pretty good. job, friends. all in tune. happy.

but i feel a strong wanderlust. (do you know that kind of wanderlust that is so strong that you start crying when you watch a documentary about distant countries? well, it’s THAT kind of wanderlust. and i’m not talking about sad crying. i’m talking about those tears that come up when you’re deeply touched by beautiful images/colors/impressions that you haven’t seen before.)

does anything i’m talking about here make any sense? not sure.

so, here’s my question. what are my boundaries? what holds me back? and what are your boundaries? what keeps you from doing that makes you cry happy tears? from experiencing adventures? and do you have any no-boundary-idols? people who did something that impressed you so much, you realized you have to get rid off your boundaries? tell me. inspire me.

i need some more time to think about it and let that beautiful word sail over my tongue and my lips and through my mind.

i’m sending you a boundless kiss to wherever you are.

xx

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17 Responses to “what are your boundaries?”

  1. Riccci 2013/02/03 at 7:19 pm #

    Ich verspüre momentan totales “Fernweh” nach Berlin. War nun schon einige Monate nicht mehr dort und vermisse die Stadt. Davon abgesehen verspüre ich tagtäglich Fernweh vor allem nach fernen Ländern. Ich schaue eine Doku oder sehe ein Plakat und versinke in einem Tagtraum. Die momentane Situation lässt Reisen weit weg nicht zu, ich hadere ja schon wegen einer Woche Berlin mit mir… 😀 Ich betrachte dies als eine Grenze, zumindest im moment.
    Btw. dieser Englisch Misch-Masch im Kopf kenne ich, oft fallen mir sogar noch nicht mal die deutschen Wort ein.

    • julia 2013/02/03 at 9:46 pm #

      das fernweh scheint tatsächlich etwas zu sein, das uns alle umtreibt. ständig. ob es einen nun nach berlin zieht, wie dich. oder wie in meinem fall das fernweh eher ungefiltert und ziellos ist. hauptsache in die ferne und hauptsache abenteuer.
      ich frage mich, wieso das so ist… was genau den zigeuner in unserem herzen so reizt.
      ich freu mich jedenfalls sehr, wenn du deine grenzen überschreitest und bald mal nach berlin kommst. dann trinken wir nen kaffee auf das fernweh, ja? xx

  2. dingslbringsl 2013/02/03 at 7:40 pm #

    ich würde sehr gerne eine zeitlang alleine leben. mann und kinder hinter mir lassen – und mich ausprobieren. ich habe nie alleine gelebt, von wg über studentenwohnheim bis zum zusammenziehen mit erstem mann und nach verlassen von diesem sofort der jetzige inkl. gemeinsamer wohnung. also immer “zusammen” gewohnt nie alleine.
    das holt mich jetzt ein. die grenzen sind in allererster linie die kinder, der mann könnte sich u.u. sogar noch auf eine räumliche veränderung einlassen. well, wenn also ICH menschen sehe die alleine leben, völlig selbstbestimmt leben, sich selbst austesten und erleben können – sann erfahre ich meine grenzen.
    eine überwindung dieser grenze habe ich ständig im kopf und manchmal denke ich, wenn die wohnug über uns frei werden sollte, ich denke dann werden wir überlegen ob wir nicht ein anderes familienmodell wagen sollen…..wagen deshalb weil wir nicht in berlin wohnen sondern im tiefsten tiefsten oberbayern auffm dorf. wo die familiärenstrukturen eher an die 50er erinnern;)

    • julia 2013/02/03 at 9:56 pm #

      danke für deine offenheit! das ist wirklich eine außergewöhnlicher grenzüberschreitungswunsch, vor dem ich sehr meinen hut ziehe.
      ich habe – seit ich bei meinen eltern ausgezogen bin – bis auf eine ganz kurze ausnahme immer allein gewohnt und kenne es gar nicht anders.
      wie steht denn dein mann zu diesem wunsch, wenn ich fragen darf?
      ich herze aus berlin*
      julia

  3. teamgloria 2013/02/04 at 6:04 am #

    Beautiful nesting pictures 🙂

    We are so happy that you write in English because our German is sehr begrenzt……….

    And yet we have an interesting observation for you on English idiom. You see boundaries can indeed mean limits. And we like to feel we are infinite (to quote perks of being a wallflower) but here in California if you ask someone about their Boundaries they will start to list the ways in which they Maintain Healthy Relationships.

    Isn’t that funny?

    For example: “I stated my boundaries by saying don’t call me before 9 because i am mediating after yoga but they kept calling and man that really trashed my boundaries and like totally got me wired and wigged out and i just have to like Completely re-align my chakras before calling back and work out if this relationship is Going Anywhere.”

    Yeah.

    A whole other Planet on this Coast 😉

    Love. It. (with a soupcon of European irony)

    On the subject of dreaming in another language – loved your Canadian moment – we ran away to Paris when we were 19/20 with a small bag and a leather jacket with Lou reed painted on the back. After three days, we had a dream in French. Divine.

    • notausgang 2013/02/04 at 9:22 am #

      Teamgloria, I love your comment about boundaries. As somebody who lives and dreams in, well, several languages, I a.d.o.r.e such insights. Language is magic!
      And aren’t “false friends” adorable? I might start a collection… 🙂

      • teamgloria 2013/02/04 at 3:16 pm #

        Hello new friend via Julia! Coming to visit your online home……love new smart people and Julia knows Lots 🙂

      • julia 2013/02/04 at 3:32 pm #

        😀

    • julia 2013/02/04 at 10:37 am #

      honestly, teamgloria!! you killed it with your comment.

      not only did you make my day (my week, maybe even more than that) with your little cali scenario example… (i am still laughing and feel the urge to experience this whole new planet more than ever before).#

      plus: i learned something new which is very precious. you know as i said, i sometimes have an english word in my mind that wants to be spoken out or thought about. it doesn’t necessarily mean that i KNOW that word. sometimes i have to look it up in the dictionary.
      maybe in this case it was a bit like that too.

      i have a last question though: is it possible to use ‘boundaries’ in the context i did or would you use another expression? please help me 🙂

      i love your paris runaway story. one day i would love to sit with you over a tea and hear more about this time and maybe see a photo of you and your leather jacket ❤

      have a great monday!

      • teamgloria 2013/02/04 at 3:20 pm #

        Hello from 0718 am los angeles!

        One *could* use it in that way but we *think* that “what are your limits?” or “how far would you go for a Life without Limits?”

        Love your blog…….so nice to visit you here.

      • julia 2013/02/04 at 3:45 pm #

        thank you for telling me. i will leave the slightly wrong expression in this blogpost now pretending nothing has ever happened. but i do appreciate you telling me if i misuse a word or an expression. please keep on doing that 🙂

        other than that i can only say that i love to see you at teamgloria too. i said to @hellomissnana the other day: “i read teamgloria before i came to NYC already but ever since we met, i read it religiously.”
        the only thing that bothers me is that we can’t have a tea here together 😉
        have a great day*

    • notausgang 2013/02/04 at 8:31 pm #

      love meeting smart, interesting, soulful (we Russians are obsessed with with souls) people too. Am looking forward to our exchange! 🙂

      • teamgloria 2013/02/04 at 10:37 pm #

        Gosh.

        Russian?

        How Magnificent.

  4. notausgang 2013/02/04 at 9:32 am #

    I love your post! Having read it last night through Twitter, I headed to WP today in order to reply.

    Know exactly what you mean with teary eyes when watching travel films.

    The same happens to me when I see people who LIVE THEIR CALLING; it can happen when listening to great songwriters’ music, watching amazing movies, reading inspiring books, even using a greatly designed app, you know.

    I’m in AWE when I see talent.
    Like you’re in awe when you look up and see the starlit sky (outside Berlin, in the purple city sky you can’t see the stars).

    So I think my leash (I don’t like to think of limits, just as Teamgloria said, I like to think we’re infinite and intertwined and in this together…) was woven of fear and society/family expectations. So I’ve lived a workaround – not the life I wanted. It was a beautiful workaround, a happy workaround, a highly enjoyable, luxurious workaround… It was still an illusion that almost drained me.
    But the more vulnerable and fresh and reborn and small and useless and stripped I feel today, the more scared I am – the more I’m happy.

    • julia 2013/02/04 at 10:28 am #

      thank you so much for your beautiful comment, love!

      i am happy to know that i am not the only one sobbing over travel documentaries and the beauty of life and over the miscellaneousness of our universe and creation. that sounds very cheesy, but that’s basically what it is, i guess.
      and with the last sentence you all summed it up to one essence: without the rain we wouldn’t appreciate the sun the way we do ❤

      (and it's really about time to have that coffee together we've been talking about for, uuum, 2 years?)
      xx

      • notausgang 2013/02/04 at 11:23 am #

        A coffee certainly wouldn’t go amiss! (eMail)

        What I should have added (but was far too overwhelmed with being cheesy, as you do): You’ve got a genuine talent for photography.

      • julia 2013/02/04 at 3:31 pm #

        *blushing*
        and flattered.
        and yes…. the photo book is still on the list.
        and please: coffee at the end of feb.
        so busy with my audio book till the 19th- but afterwards?

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