one of those days. some of those days.

28 Feb

friends.

you know these days, don’t you?

you feel a cold sneaking up your legs, climbing slowly up to your throat,

you are sick of the greyish greyness that this city offers you in such a variety that you are suprised… even after 12 winters that you’ve spent here,

you feel heavy, your heart is heavy, your soul demands to listen to nirvana 24/7 and you cannot refuse because you are just too weak to do so (with your last ounce of strength you TRY to smuggle a funny, light fun song into your melancholia playlist on spotify, but you can’t…. the funnest you can find is this…

)

yes, you are in there. not even knee-deep anymore. the melancholia embraces you softly, caresses you, but only as long as you hold still. when you try to move she grabs you harder. and smiles at you with her cold blue eyes.

but then, all of a sudden…

you walk down the street and you look up…. and there is…

a bunch of red balloons in the tree. and you smile from one ear to another. and the smile won’t fade till you go to sleep.

(and you even start smiling a few days later, when your friend teamgloria tells you on IG that she listened to 99 RED BALLONS while she was driving down rodeo drive!!!! how cool is that? TG, did you listen to it in german or english??)

Foto 5

and on the next day you are up very early to bring your car to the car workshop. you walk home under a cloudy sky (yet again) and this time you don’t look up, you look down. and…

Foto 2

your steps start to become more lightly and you decide to buy yourself a hint of spring…

Foto 1

you start to feel your head again. and your heart. but you know that miss melancholia is still somewhere around you. running, sniffing. knowing that she just lost sight of you for a second but will find you again.

that is okay, you start thinking… you decide that next time you see her, you might invite her for a cup of tea and while you think about that plan, you start smiling because in fact,  you know that you want to thank her because she doesn’t only tear you down, she also inspires you, carries you to new insights. yes! you will write a nice pretty card to her and ask her over for a tea. but this time YOU choose the date and time. you might even give her a little present. some black roses or a book with poems by mascha kaléko. yes, she’ll love that!

maybe miss melancholia and me can become friends?

while making plans for our next gathering, i listen to these beautiful tunes that i never get tired of. not too a happy sound, I KNOW! but there’s a hope in it, don’t you think?

those lyrics!!!

I know that I’ve been mad in love before 
And how it could be with you 
Really hurt me baby, really hurt me baby 
How can you have a day without a night 
You’re the book that I have opened 
And now I’ve got to know much more

The curiousness of your potential kiss 
Stopped my mind and body aching 
Really hurt me baby, really hurt me baby 
How can you have a day without a night 
You’re the book that I have opened 
And now I’ve got to know much more

Like a soul without a mind 
In a body without a heart 
I’m missing every part 
Like a soul without a mind 
In a body without a heart 
I’m missing every part

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13 Responses to “one of those days. some of those days.”

  1. Heather in Arles 2013/02/28 at 8:22 pm #

    Oh Julia. I am shaking my head happily at all of this, just as I wrote to our dear tg earlier, the wonder of it…especially as we seem to have the same waves of where we are at nearly at the same time. Kind of amazing. So that also means that I don’t feel alone in my winter melancholia, who comes to visit every year at this time, like a punctual yet unwelcome aunt.

    I think you will appreciate that I saw Massive Attack yes, here in Arles at the Theatre Antique–their sound so strong on the 2000 year old stones…

  2. julia 2013/02/28 at 8:34 pm #

    wow!!! i am in awe. massive attack in arles. that must’ve been magnificent!!!!

    oh, heather, it really feels good not to be alone, i always thought that this kind of winter melancholia is a special berlin thing (no sun for weeks, grey streets, all this dog poo on the streets that came out of the snow that already melted 😛 ). but it seems that is something global…
    as i said before, we should remember though that we might be able to make miss melancholia our friend. to tell her that it is OKAY if she visits every once in a while but that it is more than okay, too, when she leaves again.

    merci beaucoup for your words, heather.
    sending love from berlin*

    • Heather in Arles 2013/02/28 at 9:29 pm #

      Sending it right back to you Julia. Bisous and a Hug.
      You know I have had so many comments and emails recently from all across the Northern Hemisphere about this, some folks name it for what it is, others not. But I know when I did a theatre festival in St. Petersburg in the middle of winter, there were Americans amongst our group that utterly…well, they could not handle the extreme loss of light. They dropped. It was real. I hung on with a mix of blinis, William Styron and a bit of vodka at night to keep me warm as the housing had hardly any heat.
      I know Miss M comes calling every year at this time. My honey knows it too now. It is just part of how things roll with me. Then afterwards…slowly with the sun…
      Hang in there sweet pea.
      Spring is coming sooner than we think…

      • julia 2013/02/28 at 11:00 pm #

        i love your recipe against the winter depression: pancakes (?), styron and vodka. that IS genius! will try that… i mean, berlin ist ALMOST russia 😉
        you hang in there, too, love.
        talk soon x

      • Heather in Arles 2013/03/01 at 11:00 am #

        Beautiful Jules, I was thinking of you this morning while I was out walking the puppers and I had to write again because I was bothered by my initial response, very selfish the use of that word “happy”…In my head, it “went without saying” that I was sorry that you were not doing well but of course, of course I need to write it down to be SURE that you know. So, I am sorry and am sending you a lot of Love and Strength.
        Gros, gros bisous from a gray (!) Provence,
        Heather

      • julia 2013/03/01 at 7:50 pm #

        oh, dear heather!! thank you, but i know. and i do understand 🙂 and everything is fine as it is.
        and you know what? today the sun was shining!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        hope you had some sunrays too…
        love, j.

  3. hédi 2013/02/28 at 9:49 pm #

    Dieses Gedicht von Mascha Kaléko ist ja wunderbarst:
    Man braucht nur eine Insel
    allein im weiten Meer.
    Man braucht nur einen Menschen,
    den aber braucht man sehr.

    • julia 2013/02/28 at 10:57 pm #

      ja, das ist so schön 🙂 es gibt so viele schöne sachen von ihr…
      auch dieses, hör….

      dicken kuss*

  4. teamgloria 2013/03/01 at 12:46 am #

    there’s a little inset group of shops on the right as you’re walking down rodeo drive (which you will be, shortly!) before you get to the beverly wilshire hotel at the bottom – we turned into the courtyard and suddenly 99 Luft Balons (in german, too!) was playing – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQYQTFudrqc

    feeling ms. melancholia today as well – despite the sun – it happens here too *sighs*

    • julia 2013/03/01 at 7:56 pm #

      ha! 99 luftballons in german! in la! that’s a sign* love it!!
      and yes, i will be there, shortly!
      *smile*

      and one more thing: we had sun today!!! amazing ❤

  5. Gianfranco 2013/03/01 at 1:00 pm #

    Don’t be shy Julia ! Open your arms to Miss Melancholia, she’s great ! I really love to share a shot of whisky with her on a dark and cold winter night….(yeah, she loves whisky a lot, but I’m sure she’ll appreciate a cup of tea too 🙂 ). She allows you to take a break, to think about yourself, about the world around you, about things that are important or not etc..etc…And most of all, she makes you start again better and stronger in the next morning !
    You know, just like Mother Nature needs cold temps during wintertime, to rest, and then to reborn in Spring….I think we need those (little) breaks, we need some of those days !

    I would love to send you a bit of sunshine, but Paris is just like Berlin : grey, grey, and grey again….
    Thanks for Sophie Hunger’s song above, didn’t know it, but love it !
    Have a nice afternoon!

    • julia 2013/03/01 at 8:01 pm #

      love you for those lines, gianfranco!!! they made me smile.
      and i thank you for your advice with the whisky. i will give it a try!
      and yes, i will embrace her next time i see her. promise!
      give paris a kiss from me. for some reason a grey paris in my imagination is so much more mysterious-glamorous/sophisticated than a grey berlin…. but that’s probably only because i’m not there *sighing*
      lovely that you enjoy sophie hunger*
      waving to you from berlin,
      j.

  6. Gianfranco 2013/03/02 at 6:41 pm #

    Glad I made you smile !
    And you’re right, maybe there’s a difference between Paris and Berlin (in grey), and I think it is because of the Architecture (among others reasons). Too long to explain…
    I wish you a wonderful weekend !!!

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