on a summer’s night.

21 Jul

i am sitting under a warm berlin moon reminiscing about love and life and true friends. and people that walk with you. walk with you along, next to you. they might even hold hands with you for a while till they have to take some other turn. or till you feel you have to push them away because it is just not right anymore to take the same directions.

but what if you just met a person who is so much of an enrichment of positivity that you feel dull when he’s gone. i’m not talking about infatuation. i am talking of the profound feeling that you have when you know someone important steps into your life.

and then. you realize he (yes, it’s a him), well, that he chooses to fucks it up. that he chooses to fucks himself up. and then he turns. and then everything is different

and you just stand there

helpless. jaw-dropping just standing there watching lightness turn to darkness.

and sparkles turn to rain

drops

.

.

.

.

i’m talking about drugs.

i’ve been with someone like that before. and i’m not going to put myself through this again.

so.

i just let go of that precious hand again. the hand i didn’t even really hold yet. i just held one finger.

for a second.

i let it go.

 

my current letting-go-tunes:::

 

 

 

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11 Responses to “on a summer’s night.”

  1. Heather in Arles 2013/07/21 at 7:47 am #

    Sending a hug to Berlin…

    • julia 2013/07/21 at 8:20 am #

      much needed.
      thank you, dear heather ❤❤❤

  2. beautycalyptique 2013/07/21 at 2:43 pm #

    <3<3<3<3<3hugs<3<3<3<3<3<3
    you are right.
    because unless the addict gets real help, all's lost. this article pretty much sums it up:
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2013/mar/09/russell-brand-life-without-drugs

    • julia 2013/07/21 at 8:16 pm #

      thank you for your support, miss ❤
      and now i'm gonna read the article about russel. (lustig, ich habe mit ihm in LA yoga gemacht)
      xx

      • beautycalyptique 2013/07/23 at 6:00 pm #

        kann man in LA eigentlich *irgendwohin* gehen, ohne *jemanden* zu treffen? 😉 spill the beans!

      • julia 2013/07/25 at 7:10 am #

        sagen wir es mal so:
        es ist nicht leicht 😀

  3. Gianfranco 2013/07/22 at 11:29 pm #

    This is sad…and I’m sorry for you 😦 But sometimes it’s the best thing to do… Take care of yourself.

    • julia 2013/07/25 at 7:13 am #

      thank you, gianfranco.
      it certainly is important to care for yourself. in this case, it is the only way, i think.
      x

  4. teamgloria 2013/07/25 at 4:46 am #

    you are a brave and wonderful woman.

    *wavingfromlosangeles*

    hang in there, lady.

    • julia 2013/07/25 at 7:10 am #

      thank you so much!
      i love you ❤

      • friend 2013/08/04 at 7:18 pm #

        dearest deary, i so know what you are talking about and i wish i could say it hadn’ anything to do with berlin. but in fact i think the contrary. and for some bizarre reason i really wish gentrification to end the dream of irresponsibility and ignorance that our so beloved capital has become for those who enjoy escaping from daily routines and commitment.

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