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do you read signs?

9 Sep

a boy and a girl are sitting in a beer garden by a lake in a beautiful park. it is the last beautiful day of summer. the sun is shining onto them. shining so intensively that they can hardly see anything else but each other’s faces. and the wind is whispering in the trees. the leaves are catching the sunlight and absorb them and merge with it into a million different shades of green and gold.

they talk and chat and they have so many stories to tell that sometimes they wouldn’t finish one story cause the next one already comes up. or because they burst into laughter. and then there’s this moment a blink of an eyes maybe only 5 seconds. and they don’t talk. they just sit there in front of each other. maybe because the just finished laughing. the girl can’t remember if you’d ask her now.

it is not autumn yet. but it isn’t summer anymore either. she likes this feeling of being in a no man’s land between the seasons. it feels fresh. and new. like the feeling when you get to know someone. everything is possible. fascination.

so they stopped talking. and the sit there. in the sunlight. in front of their glasses. (yes, they had a glass of wine but they’re not drunk, if you were wondering)

and just when they were about to start their conversation again, a small leaf is sailing down from the tree above them. smoothly. elegantly. it dances a short dance with the wind and then. gently lands on the table between them. it’s small. about the size of a 2€ coin and it has the shape of

a heart.

she kept the leaf. because she liked the moment. the silence. the irritation. she liked the idea that it means something. that it is a sign.

and she is not certain if she likes this idea that the leaf might mean something more than the fact that it really does mean something. but does it matter? no. it was a beautiful. special. unforgettable moment. and the heart will always be.

the girl is me.

i like to read signs.

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on a summer’s night.

21 Jul

i am sitting under a warm berlin moon reminiscing about love and life and true friends. and people that walk with you. walk with you along, next to you. they might even hold hands with you for a while till they have to take some other turn. or till you feel you have to push them away because it is just not right anymore to take the same directions.

but what if you just met a person who is so much of an enrichment of positivity that you feel dull when he’s gone. i’m not talking about infatuation. i am talking of the profound feeling that you have when you know someone important steps into your life.

and then. you realize he (yes, it’s a him), well, that he chooses to fucks it up. that he chooses to fucks himself up. and then he turns. and then everything is different

and you just stand there

helpless. jaw-dropping just standing there watching lightness turn to darkness.

and sparkles turn to rain

drops

.

.

.

.

i’m talking about drugs.

i’ve been with someone like that before. and i’m not going to put myself through this again.

so.

i just let go of that precious hand again. the hand i didn’t even really hold yet. i just held one finger.

for a second.

i let it go.

 

my current letting-go-tunes:::

 

 

 

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