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what are your boundaries?

3 Feb

since yesterday afternoon i haven’t left my apartment and there are several reasons for that:

– i have worked so much this week, dayshift, nightshift and even yesterday on a saturday (!) that i feel like napping and reading and hanging out on the sofa, chilling in the candle light for hours and days.

– after a short almost springlike intermezzo here in berlin on tuesday and wednesday (10°C, singing birds and even a bit of sun), the skies have decided to go back to grey and the weather is more like “pass me the fur” than “let’s put on our new sun glasses” (yes, i have gorgeous new polarized sunglasses. they’re so hot! but that’s another story.)

– i’m lazy. i love to be lazy.

– i have to finish the lecture of a book of 500 pages of which i will be doing the recording for the audio book in a week. soo excited!

so here i am all cocooned up on my roof watching the thick marshmallow clouds fly by.

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so while i’m all chilled up here, i have a word on my mind since yesterday that i am somewhat meditating about.

as you know, english is not my mother tongue. i only chose to write in english because i like the language and because i think, i can reach more people with it than in german. especially all my friends from england and the US.

when i was 16 i spent some months in canada and after a while i started to dream and think english (when i was at my parents at christmas i rediscovered the journal i wrote when i was in canada. i read in it and i found the page where i’ve been writing about dreaming in english for the first time. that was quite a milestone for me).

sometimes english words pop up in my mind. and then they won’t leave for an hour or two or for a day.

BOUNDARIES. i was standing in my kitchen and cutting carrots for a soup. and there it was. boundaries. first of all it is a very beautiful word, i think. it has a tuneful sound to it. if i was a black soul singer i would definitely use it in every second song i wrote. that’s for sure.

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but other than that i started wondering: what are my boundaries? i am sitting/lying/lounging here in my warm and cozy apartment. everything is going pretty good. job, friends. all in tune. happy.

but i feel a strong wanderlust. (do you know that kind of wanderlust that is so strong that you start crying when you watch a documentary about distant countries? well, it’s THAT kind of wanderlust. and i’m not talking about sad crying. i’m talking about those tears that come up when you’re deeply touched by beautiful images/colors/impressions that you haven’t seen before.)

does anything i’m talking about here make any sense? not sure.

so, here’s my question. what are my boundaries? what holds me back? and what are your boundaries? what keeps you from doing that makes you cry happy tears? from experiencing adventures? and do you have any no-boundary-idols? people who did something that impressed you so much, you realized you have to get rid off your boundaries? tell me. inspire me.

i need some more time to think about it and let that beautiful word sail over my tongue and my lips and through my mind.

i’m sending you a boundless kiss to wherever you are.

xx

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three times what?

5 Jan

happily ever after

today i felt more like “three times what?” than like threetimesyes.

i don’t want to go into the reasons and details for that, but what’s been going on in my life led me to an interesting question:

what happened to ‘happily ever after’? 

and to be quite clear about that, i mean nothing but the romantic ‘happily ever after’.

do we have to accept that maybe the happily ever after that we all dream of, or at least most of us, is a threatened species? or even worse did it already become extinct while we were busy instagramming, tweeting, talking to a friend over a coffee about which shoes to buy next or lying on the sofa of our psychotherapist?

i’m afraid that this might be the truth. the poor ‘happily aver after’ already died out. it might have yelled for help a few times but nobody listened because we were all too busy. no! i don’t want to believe that! i just don’t. but from all i see around me and even the things that happen to me, i just have to make this guess.

or maybe it just means that we have to give a new definition to ‘happily ever after’?

should we rename it into ‘happily ever now‘?

following the living in the moment movement and take what we can get in the here and now, soak it up, consume it without caring about what’s next? well, that’s a modern way to look at it. and there’s nothing wrong about the here and the now. but there’s nothing wrong about commitment either. and responsibility. that’s why i choose to put myself out there and believe in the happily ever after. here. now. and always.

and what about you? ‘happily ever after’ or ‘happily ever now’? tell me.

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